Dark metal edges welded together, endless flanges cutting my hands my knees as I crawl to to meet your demands. Hard surfaces surrounding me I can’t break though to you, I ask and ask the answer is always the same, be patient. Thorns of patience circle round my brow burrowing deeply beyond the blood.
I stand on a soapbox open and vulnerable scanning the horizon looking at my emotional destruction telling you what I feel letting you know I’ve opened my self to be what you said you wanted me to be, vulnerable . The more I open my self the more you push me away. I fracture my feeling allowing pain, horror and suffering to pour out warmly like cum between my fingers hoping you’ll do the same, but you don’t.
Road signs freshly painted every day, I travel going left then right watching out for pot holes that will break my heart. Surprised that avenues opened yesterday are today closed.
You can’t be afraid of me you’re in control, has my use, my amusement worn thin? Did my bending over disgust you? Maybe I should have spit in your face, instead I told you I liked you, and you remained silent.
My exit blocked once again because you changed the rules. Rules upon rules that only you know. Please cut a hole in this curving maze built upon your tears and fears from a life way before I appeared. I’m not part of your past yet scorn is heaped up me, I open myself to receive your pain only to be told it’s not the time, not right now.
I can’t crawl out from beneath this hideous weight of sharing my naked self only to be all alone the same as I was when we started. In the beginning you told me I was one of many and I needed to give you what you wanted or I’d fall down the list, smiling I acquiesced thinking you played, but now I know you were serious. The rules keeping changing, stretching into grotesque reflections in a cracked mirror, barely readable even by the one who wrote them.
For a moment I’d forget who I was as I bent and slithered to meet your needs dancing as fast as I could hoping against hope I’d amuse you to distraction painting a smile upon your tortured self but it was not to be. I became but hallow and shadow like as I meandered through each day waiting for you to acknowledge me waiting for you to smile in my direction.
Cut and bleeding through every pour yet once again I’m awake and remembering who I am. I’m awake and though I sit with broken heart I see a deep amusement growing within and with that I thank you for all I’m feeling from opening myself to you.